Little did I know that this powerful sentence could change me!!

My whole life I’ve been surrounded by people I love, but it always doesn’t stay the same isn’t it? It’s not a fairy tale where everything happens the way you want it, right? So yeah, my life took an unexpected turn and ….

My life was all good, in fact perfect and I mostly spent my entire childhood in the playground. It’s where all of the firsts happen, the first ride on the bicycle, the first fall while you were running, first ever cricket match, first ever best-friend!! So much can happen in the place where you have spent a lot of time!! Apparently, I got to meet so many wonderful children and all of us became an a-amazing team. We went to school together, we had our ice-cream together, we had all the good fun together!! Slowly, we all grew up together.

We all know the day that break us – The graduation day!! The day we are forced to leave behind our innocence, our favorite teachers, and etc etc but most importantly, we realize we won’t be having a lot of time to be spent with our loved ones as we are going to be splitting up and we go our own path, and all we have is that one torn photo were all of us are smiling and all the best and worst memories!! It happens so fast that it takes nearly a year or two to analyze what just happened. But I was gifted with 2 other best people in my pre – university college. Eventually, my college friends and my school friends met each other and all of us were fortunate enough to have a get-together once in a while and those days were the best days of our lives.

No sooner, I was in a COLLEGE, an actual degree college. It’s funny that all the movies portray that college times are the best times. But it’s not the same for all!! I was pretty confident that I could get a few friends and I would definitely vibe with people and I would fit in!

But there is always something to prove you wrong at times. To be a part of a group that doesn’t vibe with you, there is a catch – you basically have to be their servant. I know I’m a little messy but I’m a good mess. I just felt like reality hit me hard, like a blow – super hard. I wanted to fit in so tried to change myself, and out of nowhere, my insecurities started showing up. I’ve always been comfortable in my own shoes, but man, the reality just blew up everything. I slowly started losing my mind, my thoughts and gave a lot of attention to what people think of me (PS: I’d never really cared about what others think of me, I just loved myself and my friends told me that that’s what made me “ME”). I pretended to be cool, laughed at their lame jokes, tried so hard to fit in but still I couldn’t. This pressure grew and was driving me crazy like hell, and all I could think of was how the hell to fit in.

At some point, I totally lost myself – me don’t care attitude, my character, my thoughts, all of me. Gradually I became that person whom I never wanted to be!! That is an ass-licking loser. I was once a super-confident, brave and fearless person, and now all of a sudden, I’m a pathetic, timid and emotionally fragile person, a complete zero!!

That’s when my childhood friends made me realize that I wasn’t a freak, I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else while I’m still right here and if I don’t fit in, I shouldn’t care, because there are people out there who love me for who I truly am and just to make a group of 5 -10 people happy, I don’t have to dance to their tunes. I don’t have to give up my patience and my awesomeness just to be someone’s tail, when I could be the head! I’m still fighting and trying to be MYSELF again, but it’s worth the fight to be yourself again. Don’t let any person control you or your actions because at the end of the day it’s you who is going to live a life with you. People judge you, mock you, and bitch about you and try to manipulate you, but that doesn’t change who you are. There is a huge team out there which loves you and your flaws. Don’t give up on yourself just because you are flawed. As a matter of fact, nobody is perfect!! Even if you think that they are perfect, it’s only because they don’t worry about their flaws and have actually accepted it.

There might be this one gang which might look cool, and you try to get into the gang and start trying to be cool by destroying yourself, just know it’s not worth it and BEING YOU IS THE COOLEST THING EVER!!!

My parents once told me “if you start hating yourself, it would look like the entire universe is hating you, but on the contrary just try loving yourself, you will definitely find a difference in the universe and it would feel like everyone’s in love with you”

Through all these advices I’ve got, I have realized that it doesn’t matter if you have a big gang or something if you’re not happy, even if you are alone and happy, it’s fine. Its people’s work to keep judging you, but you have to work a little bit harder to start ignoring the small flaws in yourself and start adapting to yourself. Self-love is the most important thing in your life. No matter in what phase you are in, just lose your self-esteem and give it a break, don’t think too much about the problem, and you will get a solution by the end of the day!! Trust me this works like a charm every single time!!!


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